Between the saint and the beast

Painter Paul Gauguin longed for a pure and primitive world. Just before leaving for the island of Tahiti in the South Pacific in 1891, he painted "Self-Portrait with Yellow Christ" (1890-1891). Behind the artist, who gazes gravely at the audience, is Jesus hanging on the cross. Why was there a yellow Jesus?

Gauguin returned to Pont-Aven after arguing with Van Gogh in Arles. There, he painted "The Yellow Christ." The Jesus in the self-portrait is part of this painting, with the left and right sides reversed because it was drawn while looking in a mirror. The Jesus in the painting was modeled after a yellow-painted statue of Jesus at Pont-Aven Church. Yellow, symbolizing hope, was Gauguin's favorite color. Despite being at a low point in his life, he hoped that moving to Tahiti would allow him to pursue his art and achieve success.

Before becoming a painter, Gauguin held several jobs and worked at the stock exchange. He was financially prosperous enough to collect art with his spare money. He then started drawing, and in his mid-30s, he became a full-time painter, despite everyone trying to stop him because he was the head of a family with five children to support. Eventually, due to hardships in life, his Danish wife took their children and returned to her hometown. This pain of being abandoned by his family and not being recognized as an artist is compared to the suffering of Jesus.

Jesus is a symbolic figure of suffering and salvation, a saint who sacrificed himself to save humans. Gauguin took it upon himself to suffer for his own success and desire. He was likely torn between the pursuit of pure art and worldly desires. That's why he drew a jar with a distorted face next to Jesus, to express his beast-like personality and pain. In the end, this self-portrait is the artist's declaration that he is tormented between being a saint and a beast, but will ultimately prevail.