[理知논술/영어 논술 클리닉]중학 영어

◎ 논제

“Playing a game is fun only if you win.” Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

(“게임은 자신이 이길 때만 재미있다.” 이 말에 동의하는지, 동의하지 않는지 구체적인 이유와 예를 들어 자신의 주장을 뒷받침하는 글을 300단어 안팎으로 써 주세요.)

■ 학생글

송세영·서울오남중학교2학년

<1>We play many games in our life, from the sports games we play at school to the computer or board games we enjoy at home. Some people <2>might <3>say that games are only fun and when you win, because winning means <4>you have used you ability to the full. <5>But I think playing games are fun <6>whether you lose or not, <7>because all games is fun just to participate in, and all games enhance your ability, regardless of the results.

When our school <8>had a basketball tournament <9>for every class to participate, <10>every class was just excited that they could play basketball. Of course, winning the tournament would <11> fabulous, but I remember nobody really cared about <12>that later on. Everyone was excited just to be able to <13>play a game with other classes <14>and cooperate with their friends. In the end, <15>everyone was happy about being able to become friendlier with another classmate, regardless of the results. When our classmates talked about the tournament a few months later, nobody even remembered which class won. They only remembered with them they became close and what good points they had <16>found out about other classmates.

Sports <17>games and games <18>in which you have to use your brains, such as chess are games that help <19>you advance your skills and abilities. Through games, <20>you learn about your weakness, and you learn about the strong points of your opponent. This <21>will benefit you because you can revise your findings and make yourself into a better player <22>or any game. When the Japanese <23>people have a Gumdo match, which is a type of sword match, they ask their opponent to 'teach' them, not to 'have a match' with them. After the match, the participants thank each other for the valuable lesson they have provided each other. It is <24>not a big deal who won or lost, what is important <25>you have learned something and overcome their weak points. This attitude is a good example <26>that games can benefit of competing regardless of the results.

In conclusion, I think the fun in playing games has nothing to do with winning or losing. All games <27>give fun and <28>lessons to the participants something. We should <29>acknowledges this and <30> enjoy the games we play <31>and try to learn from it, rather than try to always win.

■ 첨삭글

#	Content
1	We play many games in our life, from the sports games we play at school to the computer or board games we enjoy at home. 삭제
2	might 삭제, believe 삽입
3	say that games are only fun and when you win, because 삭제 winning 삽입
4	you have used you ability to the full 삭제using one＇s abilities to the fullest; accordingly, they equate fun with winning 삽입
5	But 삭제
6	whether you lose or not 삭제, regardless of the outcome 삽입
7	because all games are fun just to participate in, and all games enhance your ability, regardless of the results. 삭제Furthermore, whether you win or lose, you still enhance your abilities just by competing. 삽입
8		had 삭제, held 삽입
9		for every class to participate, 삭제, open to all classes, 삽입
10		every class was just excited that they could play basketball. 삭제everyone was excited at the thought of participating. 삽입
11		have been 삽입
12		that later on. 삭제, the outcome, ultimately. 삽입
13		play a game with 삭제, compete against 삽입
14		and cooperate with their friends. 삭제, collaborating with their teammates. This collaboration and teamwork drew the players closer to each other. 삽입
15		everyone was happy about being able to become friendlier with another classmate, regardless of the results. When our classmates talked about the tournament a few months later, 삭제when students reminisced about the tournament months later, 삽입
16		found out about other classmates. 삭제, discovered in their teammates. 삽입
17		games 삭제
18		in which you have to use your brains, such as chess are games that 삭제
19		you advance your 삭제, people develop their 삽입
20		you learn about your weakness, and you learn about the strong points of your opponent. 삭제people can learn more about their own strengths and weaknesses. 삽입
21		will benefit you because you can revise your findings and make yourself into 삭제can help anyone become 삽입
22		or any game. 삭제, and even a better person. 삽입
23		people have삭제, hold 삽입
24		not a big deal 삭제, irrelevant 삽입
25		you 삭제, is that the competitors 삽입
26		that games 삭제, of the 삽입
27		give fun 삭제, are entertaining 삽입
28		lessons to 삭제, can teach 삽입
29		acknowledges 삭제, recognize 삽입
30		learn to 삽입
31		and try to learn from it, rather than try to always win. 삭제without worrying about who wins or loses. 삽입

■ 총평

Your essay is a good example of one of the most common mistakes in student essays: wordiness. By this, I mean that you tend to write your sentences thinking more about how it sounds rather than what it says. Remember that all essays are exercises in conveying ideas. Hence, ideally, when you write an essay, your reader should be able to understand your central idea without having to decipher your words. Remember, the rule in essay writing is to be precise and concise. As you learn to write, you will discover that sometimes the less you write, the more you say. When writing an essay, keep this in mind : Brevity is the soul of wit.

학생의 에세이처럼 글이 두서없이 장황해지는 경향은 학생들이 에세이를 쓰는 과정에서 흔히 범하는 오류 중 하나입니다. 글이 장황해 진다는 것은 말하고자 하는 내용보다는 전달 방법에 더 치중한다는 의미이기도 합니다. 에세이 쓰기는 자신의 생각을 표현하는 방법을 연습하는 과정이라는 것을 기억하세요. 따라서 앞으로 에세이를 쓸 때는 정확하고 간결하게 쓰도록 노력해 보세요. 글쓰기 실력이 어느 정도 쌓이게 되면 때로는 적게 쓸수록 더 많은 내용을 전달할 수 있다는 사실을 깨닫게 될 것입니다. 에세이를 쓸 때는 다음의 어구를 기억하세요. ‘간결함은 지혜의 정수이다’라는 속담을 말이죠.

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◎ 써서 보내요

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “Technology has made the world a better place to live.” Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

(다음 말에 동의하는지, 동의하지 않는지 구체적인 이유와 예를 들어 자신의 주장을 뒷받침하는 글을 300단어 안팎으로 써 주세요. “기술은 세상을 더 살기 좋은 곳으로 만들었다.”)

◎ 이 사이트로 보내세요

‘써서 보내요’에 대한 글을 다음 주 월요일까지 보내 주세요. 잘된 글 가운데 일부를 선정해 첨삭지도를 해 드립니다.

글 보내실 곳:www.easynonsul.com → 중학 영어 논술클리닉(www.easynonsul.com/Middle/Class/English/)