[理知논술]영어 논술 클리닉

■ 논제

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? “It is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in the big city.” Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

(다음 말에 동의하는지, 동의하지 않는지 구체적인 이유와 예를 들어 자신의 주장을 뒷받침하는 글을 300단어 안팎으로 써 주세요. ‘아이들은 대도시보다 시골에서 자라는 게 좋다’)

■ 학생글

오다록·서울 신반포중학교 3학년

When I was <1>young, my father would often complained about <2>the fact that he was brought up in the countryside <3>. He told me that if he had grown up in a city<4>, he would have <5>gotten better chances of getting an education or <6>being exposed to the latest news of the world. <7>Likewise, I think it is better for children to grow up in the city rather than in the countryside. Cities <8>are packed with many convenient facilities such as museums, universities, hospitals and train stations. Most of the <9> facilities <10>that people use today, especially in the city, <11>for more convenience are necessary for one to live a modern life. However, the countryside has smaller chances of having such facilities that the big cities provide.

The big cities also offer greater chances of <12>getting better education. Most of the public universities <13>or higher facilities of education are in big cities. Moreover, private institutes that a student might require <14>for earning higher academic achievements typically <15>resides in the big cities. <16>As the education environment is very important for one's life, particularly the students, it is natural that the children should grow up in places where they can get better education, and that is the big cities.

The big cities are the center <17>and nod of the world's economic and political network. <18>This indicates the fact that the cities <19> are the better fit for a person whose dream it is to work internationally or in a multinational enterprise. <20>Children who will become the future leaders of each country should <21>be fed with the latest news <22>that is related to international <23>or even domestically issues. <24>For this purpose, the big cities are more suitable places for the children to grow up.

Of course, the countrysides might offer better <25> natural environment <26>better chances of learning importance of nature. <27>However, the children, who are to be the future leaders and the main actors in the society later on, should grow up in a place where there are better facilities, higher level of education and more chances of hearing what is going on in the outer world, and the big cities are more appropriate for those purposes than the countrysides.

■ 첨삭글

#	Content
1	→ growing up으로 수정
2	삭제→ having grown 삽입
3	삭제→ rather than in 삽입
4	삭제→ He always added that 삽입
5	gotten → had로 수정
6	삭제→ of learning 삽입
7	삭제→ I agree with my father ; 삽입
8	삭제→ offer 삽입
9	best 삽입
10	삭제→ health, arts, culture, and transportation are located in the big urban centers. 삽입
11	삭제→ The Louvre in Paris, Harvard University in Boston, and the Vatican library in Rome, are but a few examples of premier institutions that exist in urban centers. 삽입
12	삭제→ obtaining the best 삽입
13	삭제→ and other institutions of higher 삽입
14	삭제→ to pursue 삽입
15	삭제→ exits 삽입
16	삭제
17	삭제
18	삭제→ Hence 삽입
19	offer more opportunities in sundry areas. For example in terms of job opportunities, cites 삽입
20	Children who will become the future leaders of each country should 삭제.In addition, people 삽입
21	삭제→ have better access and command of 삽입
22	삭제
23	삭제→ and domestic 삽입
24	삭제→ Finally, the headquarters of most important financial institutions are invariably in the bigger urban centers. 삽입
25	and more 삽입
26	삭제→ together with the chance 삽입
27	삭제

■ 총평

주제문 반복해서 쓰면 논지 약해질수도

You commit one of the most common errors in student essays. Namely, you repeat the main idea ad nauseam by ending each of your arguments and the essay, too, with your thesis statement. Repetition is not the same as development when it comes to arguments. Repetition reveals that you are unable to express your ideas fully and consequently weakens your arguments. Your reader should be the one who concludes at the end of your essay that the advantages of your position are obvious; you should not point it out to him/her.

오다록 학생은 학생들이 영작문을 할 때 흔히 하는 실수 가운데 하나인 주제문을 지겹도록 반복해서 쓰는 실수를 하고 있습니다. 에세이의 결론 부분이나 각 문단의 마지막 부분에 주제문을 되풀이해서 쓴 것입니다. 논증이 필요한 글에서 반복은 전개와는 다른 것입니다. 주제문을 반복하는 것은 글쓴이가 자신의 생각을 제대로 표현하지 못한 것이므로 스스로 글의 논지를 약하게 만드는 결과를 낳게 됩니다. 주장을 뒷받침할 논리적인 근거를 사용하여 에세이를 다 읽고 난 독자가 글쓴이의 견해에 공감하도록 해야지, 글쓴이가 직접 독자에게 지적해 줘서는 안 됩니다.

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